| 26 June 2008
George Carlin, R.I.P.
Saying goodbye to the man who made us all laugh by making us feel stupid for what we believed.
I once wondered to myself if twenty years from now I’d be watching a ninety year old George Carlin – senile and in a wheelchair – in yet another HBO comedy special. That question was answered late Sunday night when the seventy-one year old comedian died of heart failure. Throughout the week there have been a plethora of tributes to the man who gave us the Seven Dirty Words, hosted the first episode of Saturday Night Life after snorting cocaine for a week straight, and also played “Mr. Conductor” on Thomas the Tank Engine. And while most of these will be more eloquent than mine, I do think it’s important that a website dedicated to liberty have at least some small ode to a man who personified the 1st Amendment.
Carlin understood that, sometimes, being free entailed pissing people off – often unintentionally, though never in his case. He went out of his way to make all of us feel a little stupid about the things we believed in. His gripes ran the gamut from those who believe in God and religion to parents who dared to name their children Todd, Tucker or Kyle.
“Ten times out of ten Nicky, Vinny, and Eddie beat the [crap] out of Kyle, Todd, and Tucker.” - From his 2001 HBO comedy special
Carlin’s pugnacious form of social commentary made me laugh, but it also made me think. No one was exempt in his tirades – whether politician, clergy, or your average “Joe Six-Pack”. He paved the way for the modern angry comic, such as Lewis Black.
Here are just a few of my favorite quotes from Carlin on politics (Sorry I had to omit some of the ever-present profanity in his acts that we all enjoyed so much):
"In America, anyone can become president. That’s the problem."
"Bipartisan usually means that a larger-than-usual deception is being carried out."
"Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity."
"Conservatives say if you don't give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. As for the poor, they tell us they've lost all incentive because we've given them too much money."
"Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? It’s because volunteers work for no pay. Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time."
"The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post 'Thou shalt not steal,' 'Thou shalt not commit adultery,' and 'Thou shalt not lie' in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. It creates a hostile work environment."
"If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone else."
"I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death."
"Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?"
"You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans."
"These days many politicians are demanding change. Just like homeless people."
"Deep Throat: Think about it. There is actually a semi-important figure in American history who is named for a blow-job movie. How do school teachers handle this?"
"I don't think we should be governing ourselves. What we need is a king, and every now and then if the king’s not doing a good job, we kill him."
"George Washington's brother, Lawrence, was the Uncle of Our Country."
"The owners of this country know the truth: It's called the American dream because you have to be asleep to believe it."
And of course my two personal favorite’s quotes – which, at times, mirror my own feelings on the American people:
“They think it’s just f’n dandy!” (On the American people’s opinion about their country being turned into one giant shopping mall)
“This country is filled with nitwits and a-holes.”
Genius like that doesn’t come around too often.
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