Five Ways to Get a Better President of the US

By Justin Hartfield

Would Mike Huckabee be an improvement over George W. Bush if he were to be elected? Tough one isn't it?

But why are we being subjected to these substandard candidates in the first place is the real question. Is the most powerful position in the world not worthy of an insightful, liberty-minded individual?

I think the problem is that the position of CEO of Human Affairs on planet Earth isn't good enough anymore in today's 401(k) oriented, highly incentivized world. In today's economy, executives get paid high dollar to run large corporations. But the compensation for the office of President of the United States is laughable compared to most private corporations.

Would 'Lil Wayne be a better President than Obama or McCain?

In 1999 the salary for the President of the United States was increased to $400,000. To put this number in context, let's compare it to the nation's other top executives (from 2005):

Lew Frankfort - Coach $58.7 million

Robert Nardelli - Home Depot  $36.7 million

Edward Zander - Motorola  $32.3 million

Obviously this gap is too great to attract hungry, money-savvy individuals. So what I propose below are five ways to incentivize the position of the President of the United States.

1. Make the Secret Service bodyguards optional after their term is over

Protection of the Secret Service should be optional after your term in office ends. The fact that you must be accompanied by at least one personal bodyguard for the rest of your existence seems a bit extreme to me and I bet it turns off a lot of potential Presidents. Does anyone really want to murder former President Jimmy Carter anymore? 

2. Augment the presidential library with the presidential vacation timeshare

In addition to the presidential library, former leaders of the free world should be able to get in some "job well done" R&R at the official presidential condo overlooking Ka'anapali Beach in Maui. Wintertime access to the timeshare would be given to the oldest living former President as an act of respect. 

3. The Ground Force One

Imagine being able to drive your own one-off supercar, made specifically to your specifications? Bullet-proof everything, quad-turbos, V16s, vertical doors, anything you can dream of, our government will make it for you. Hell, you can even leverage the technology of the military and build your own streetable M-48 armored assault vehicle. One of a kind perks like this are a must to attract the best leaders in the world. 

4. Starbucks, Chipotle Inside the White House

The job of President of the World is a rough gig, especially considering you can no longer sit down and have a peaceful meal in your favorite restaurant. But rest assured, Uncle Sam's got your back. Add on a real, franchised Starbucks and Chipotle to the back of the White House (or Lincoln bedroom). With an unlimited supply for caffeine and burritos, we can trust the leader of country is thinking clearly at any hour of the day.

5. Increase the Pay to $10,000,000

Listen, I hate government spending as much as you do, but let's face it- our government burns $10,000,000 as if the bills were ablaze in liquid hot magma. I mean NASA costs the American taxpayers about $18 billion a year to... well we aren't really sure what they're doing with the money because that's top secret information. I just hope those boys at NASA aren't involved in any expensive habits.

But the point is, the more cash at stake, the more high quality, hard working individuals there will be trying to lay claim to it. Personally I'd rather have a good President than a good space program.