If the US Government Were Run By Apple...

By Justin Hartfield

• Federal income tax returns would be exclusively online and consist of three or four extra large text input buttons.

• The United States Postal Service would be ridiculously overpriced but insanely fast.

• There would be a team of perky, pastel-shirted DMV employees waiting to renew your license as soon as you walked in the door.

• The WhiteHouse.gov website would include at least three web 2.0 gradients, a Last.fm widget, and a link to the President's personal muxtape.

• There would be a three hour wait to get the latest $5 bill. It would also feature a web 2.0 gradient.

• The State of the Union would be a Keynote presentation, with the most important policy being revealed at the end, after the President says, "Oh, and one more thing..."

• Incarcerated criminals would be rehabilitated by learning new skills in prison -- however, all their training would take place on an eMachines running a torrented version of Vista beta.

• The eggs at the annual White House Easter Egg Roll would be replaced with iPod minis, making the challenge much more difficult and lucrative in the process.

• For welfare, student loans and other government aid inquiries, you'd visit a 'money genius' to help you with your problems. (Much like Apple's Mac Geniuses, they would take an hour to acknowledge your presence in that smug, Nick Burns condescending sort of way.)

• Instead of a Social Security number, all newborns would receive a free MobileMe account.

• The cabinet would add the Department for Ergonomic Design, including a new position called the Secretary of Feng Shui. The office would debate the merits of using Arial versus Helvetica on street signs. Additionally, the Lincoln Bedroom would be upgraded with a mini rock waterfall and tiny Bonsai trees.

• Steve Jobs' face would inexplicably appear next to Roosevelt's on Mt. Rushmore.

• A Macbook would be standard equipment for every incoming high school freshman.

• Searching for patents, business names and the like would all be controlled via a single Spotlight search box.

• Steve Ballmer would be found murdered in a Trotsky-esque fashion, with a Windows Vista CD found embedded in his skull.

• Every bank account in the US would still be insured up to $100,000. Yet, if you buy the Apple Care Protection Plan, you can extend that limit up to $300,000 for five years.

• 10% student discount on all government services.

• "In God We Trust" would be changed to "Getting Things Done".

• Opponents of Apple policy changes would be publicly ridiculed in "Mac Vs PC" style commercials.

• The President's Cabinet would consist of Tim Ferriss, Merlin Mann, Darren Rowse and the Omni dev team. Steve Wozniak would be conspicuously absent.

• The Statue of Liberty would greet new immigrants with the prospect of freedom, opportunity and free wi-fi.

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written by DH, July 14, 2008

Great post! I thought I'd try my hand at "If Google ran the United Nations" at www.wikinomics.com/blog

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written by Tel, July 14, 2008

Only about 3% of the population would actually vote for this government but they would vote very very hard.

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written by Ashley, July 28, 2008

Histerical article.
If only we were so lucky. :)

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